An XMen Evolution Songbook
by Lia-and-Randir
Summary: A collection of songs sung by your favorite characters.
1. Just A Kid

I don't own Just A Kid by Simple Plan.  
  
Just A Kid - sung by Jamie Madrox  
  
Tonight was the Bayville High dance. Scott and Jean had already left, and the rest of the kids were getting ready to go. That is, all except Jamie.  
  
Jamie had nothing to do, and he really wanted to go with the older kids and be like them. He was only twelve, after all.  
  
Hey, Bobby, he asked. Can I go with you guys?  
  
Bobby laughed and mussed up Jamie's hair, causing five more Jamies to pop up. Sorry, buddy, but you can't.  
  
Oh. Jubilee, can I go with you?  
  
  
  
Poor Jamie asked everyone else if he could hang with them, and he got the same reply.   
  
Jamie was crushed. When the kids left, he trudged up the stairs to his room. He sat on his bed and began to sing.  
  
_I woke up, it was seven   
I waited til eleven   
Just to figure out that no one would call   
I think I've got a lot of friends   
But I don't hear from them   
What's another night all alone   
When you're spending every day on your own   
And here it goes   
  
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare   
I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair   
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is   
Having more fun than me...tonight   
  
And maybe when the night is dead   
I'll crawl into my bed   
I'm staring at these four walls again   
I'll try to think about the last time   
I had a good time   
Everyone's got somewhere to go   
And they're gonna leave me here on my own   
And here it goes   
  
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare   
I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair   
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is   
Having more fun than me   
  
What the hell is wrong with me   
Don't fit in with anybody   
How did this happen to me   
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep   
And every night is the worst night ever   
  
I'm just a kid  
I'm just a kid  
  
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare   
I'm just a kid ,I know that it's not fair   
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is   
Nobody wants to be alone in the world   
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare   
I'm just a kid I know that it's not fair   
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is   
Nobody wants to be alone in the world   
Nobody cares cuz I'm alone and the world is   
Having more fun than me   
I'm all alone tonight   
Nobody cares tonight   
Cuz I'm just a kid...tonight  
  
_A tear trickled down Jamie's cheek as he turned off the light and pulled up the covers.


	2. Albuquerque

Yes, yes, I admit it - I STOLE TIMMYS WEIRD AL CD!!!  
  
*ahem* I don't own by Weird Al Yankovic either. So there.  
  
Albuquerque - sung by St. John Allerdyce.  
  
At the Acolytes' base - which was currently located in the rat-infested basement of a Bayville hotel - Remy, Colossus, and St. John were playing poker, because Pietro and Magneto had gone to family counseling, Sabreooth was out stalking Wolverine, and Mastermind was somewhere hypnotizing chickens, and Remy was kicking serious ass. Unbeknownst to them, but knownst to us, Remy was cheating and getting very very bored.  
  
Desperate to make some conversation, he asked them, So - where're y'all from, anyway? I mean, what was life like before bucket-head employed ya?  
  
John opened his mouth to talk. Piotr shot warning glances at Remy.  
  
John began.  
  
Piotr groaned and put his head in his hands.  
  
And John began to sing.  
  
_Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop  
-You know the place  
well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy  
  
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning  
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast  
  
Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut  
Every single mornin  
It wa driving me crazy  
  
I said to my mom  
I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?"  
And my dear, sweet mother  
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train  
And she leaned right down next to me  
And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"  
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth  
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old  
  
That's when I swore that someday  
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place  
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer  
And the towels are oh so fluffy  
Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long  
And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel  
  
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah  
  
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true  
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest  
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt  
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize  
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to  
  
Albuquerque  
Albuquerque  
  
Oh yeah  
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before  
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great  
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor  
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time  
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts  
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore  
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out  
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside  
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died  
Except for me  
You know why?  
  
'Cause I had my tray table up  
And my seat back in the full upright position  
Had my tray table up  
And my seat back in the full upright position  
Had my tray table up  
And my seat back in the full upright position  
  
Ah ha ha ha  
Ah ha ha  
Ahhhh  
  
_I TOLD you, Piotr yelled.  
Remy put up his hands in mock defense. Mon ami, ya didn't tell me nothin'.  
_  
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage  
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days  
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag  
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball  
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel  
But finally I arived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn  
Where the towels are oh so fluffy  
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna  
It's OK, they're clean  
  
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C  
And I turned on the SpectraVision  
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow  
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door  
  
Well now, who could that be?  
I say "Who is it?"  
No answer  
"Who is it?"  
There's no answer  
"WHO IS IT?"  
They're not sayin' anything  
  
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected  
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril  
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right  
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel  
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"  
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"  
And he's like "Tough"  
And I'm like "Give it"  
And he's like "Make me"  
And I'm like "'Kay"  
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus  
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows  
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation  
Yes indeed, you better believe it  
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook  
And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice  
And you know what it said?  
I'll tell you what it said  
  
It said  
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"  
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"  
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"  
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"  
  
In Albuquerque  
Albuquerque  
  
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel  
But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest  
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice  
But first, I decided to buy some donuts  
  
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop  
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter  
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"  
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"  
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"  
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"  
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"  
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"  
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"  
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"  
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"  
I said "You got any apple fritters?"  
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"  
I said "You got any bear claws?"  
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"  
"No, we're outta bear claws"  
I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"  
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"  
I said "OK, I'll take that"  
  
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out  
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over  
(rabid gnawing sounds)  
Oh man, they were just going nuts  
They were tearin' me apart  
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head"  
I believe it went a little something like this . . .  
  
Doh  
Get 'em off me  
Get 'em off me  
Oh  
No, get 'em off, get 'em off  
Oh, oh God, oh God  
Oh, get 'em off me  
Oh, oh God  
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
_Meanwhile, Remy had dialed every emergency number he could think of and Piotr was banging his head into the wall, making a large dent._  
  
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face  
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'  
Like a constipated weiner dog  
And as luck wouls have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams  
Her name was Zelda  
She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches  
I'll never forget the first thing she said to me.  
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"  
  
That's when I knew it was true love  
We were inseperable after that  
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together  
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss  
The world was our burrito  
So we got married and we bought us a house  
And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly  
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah  
  
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me  
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"  
I said "Woah, hold on now, baby"  
"I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment"  
So we broke up and I never saw her again  
But that's just the way things go  
  
In Albuquerque  
Albuquerque  
  
Anyway, things really started lookin' upi for me  
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream  
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler  
I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face  
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that  
I was gettin' a lot of attitude  
  
OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot  
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil  
When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself  
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"  
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes  
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"  
  
So I did  
  
And then he gets all indignant on me  
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"  
Well, that's just great  
How was I supposed to know that?  
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud  
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy  
So what's he complaining about?  
  
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote  
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days  
Well, I knew what he meant  
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein  
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over  
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?"  
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming  
(screaming sounds)  
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation  
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?  
  
Anyway, um, um, where was I?  
Kinda lost my train of thought  
  
Uh, well, uh, OK  
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it  
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is  
  
_ Remy muttered._  
  
I hate sauerkraut  
  
That's all I'm really tryin' to say  
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up  
And find yourself in an existential quandry  
Full of loathing and self-doubt  
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence  
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that  
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours  
There's still a little place called  
  
Albuquerque  
Albuquerque  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
  
I said "A" (A)  
"L" (L)  
"B" (B)  
"U" (U)  
"querque" (querque)  
  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque  
  
Albuquerque....  
  
_Right as John finished singing, a squad of armed troops barged in and grabbed John by the arms. As he was being taken away, Remy turned to Piotr.  
  
Wanna play poker?_  
  
_


	3. Same Auld Lang Syne

Dudes and dudettes who have reviewed this, a message.  
  
I will try and change my ways, by writing differently. Just read this chapter. Please, please, please read this chapter. If enough people like it, I'll continue the story.  
  
-L.S.N.  
  
Same Auld Lang Syne  
  
_Starbuck's coffee on a cold December day does wonders._  
  
No, not good. Erase.  
  
_She said  
  
_Nope.  
  
_I  
  
_Rogue sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Writers' block really was murder. The only reason she's actually signed up for the Bayville High literary magazine was so she could get some stuff out of her head. So far, it wasn't working.  
  
She stared down at the Caramel Latte in front of her, and the aroma reminded her that Christmas was only in a week. And she still hadn't done any shopping or decorating.  
  
The radio was changing songs again. This time it was a really obnoxious rendition of Jingle Bells. Luckily, it was short.  
  
And now, said the radio announcer, a favorite. Dan Fogelberg.  
  
Rogue cringed. Oh, God, no. Not this song. Anything but this song -   
  
_Met my old lover in the grocery store...  
  
_Yep. It had to be this song. Same Auld Lang Syne.   
  
_The snow was falling Christmas Eve....  
  
_She felt her eyes well up. For some reason, this song always made her burst into tears.   
  
_Stole behind her in the frozen foods,   
And I touched her on the sleeve...  
  
_She stood up, grabbed her notepad and coffee, and went outside to get a taxi.  
  
The cab quickly arrived, and she quickly got in.   
  
_Took her groceries to the checkout stand...  
  
_Of course, the radio had to be on that same station.  
  
She squeezed her eyes shut, determined not to let even a single tear pass.  
  
_We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now...  
  
_One tear smudged Rogue's makeup, trailing an odd black line down her face.  
  
_Tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how... _  
  
The taxi passed by the mall, where Kitty was shopping with friends. Another tear fell.  
  
_She said she'd married her an architect.  
  
_Kurt and Evan were sitting outside at a McDonald's. Two more tears.  
  
_Kept her warm and safe and dry...  
  
_She saw Jean and Scott talking and laughing at a diner. The tears turned into full blown sobbing.  
  
The taxi driver turned around. Miss, you okay?  
  
Rogue forced a smile and nodded.  
  
The taxi pulled up at the Xavier Institute. She pressed a few dollars into the guy's outstretched hand and hurried inside. She quickly climbed the stairs, ran into her room, and flung herself on the bed, soaking the sheets with a mixture of makeup and tears. 


End file.
